"Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen." — Brené Brown
I selected the parks option for a search on the GPS and found a match a few miles away.
With too-little time to travel home and back before camp-pickup I followed a hilly, winding road to a new spot in a neighboring town where many of the homes are surrounded by enormous boulders.
These mammoth rocks have been left alone and integrated into landscaping plans—dense and vibrating with the story of another place and time—likely transported via glacier tens-of-thousands of years ago.
Situated around some of the houses they appear like dinosaurs—curled up for an afternoon nap.
It is so breezy here in this unfamiliar spot.
I’ve gone back into my car for a favorite sweatshirt—worn soft over years —and put on a snug baseball cap to keep my hair from blowing all around.
I’m listening to the steady tick of a sprinkler watering the field beside me—every now and then catching a glimpse of its rounded, liquid arch. The water seems to break off from the end of the stream and shoot forward into a powerful collection of drops—pausing—then raining down onto the grass.
Once in a while the breeze will carry a slight mist my way that I can smell more than I can feel.
It reminds me of running through sprinklers as a child just after the lawn had been mowed—the fresh-cut grass sticking to my bare feet, to my shins.
A large robin digs for a worm down the little hill to my left and then flies off abruptly—startled by a yellow Labrador Retriever with a ball in her mouth running toward me.
A miniscule, florescent-pink spider sprints across my computer screen like he’s late for a flight.
I am often surprised to discover vibrant hues like his—that seem like they belong more in the color-palette of man—manifested in nature.
I try to use a piece of chipped, grey paint from the picnic table to lure the spider off of my laptop so I can get a closer look. He’s moving so fast and keeps avoiding the paint chip but does finally crawl up onto my thumb and quickly begins racing toward my wrist.
I move away from the table out into the sun to try to see him up close—he’s so tiny—but then I have to blow him off of me just before he goes scurrying up my long sleeve, afraid I might lose him beneath my clothing.
We live in such an enchanting world.
It can be so easy to forget and brush by the faces of insects and trees, subway riders and bus drivers, the nurse taking our pulse, the child waiting hopefully at the lemonade stand—our own dear face looking back at us in the mirror.
Don’t let it be said that you are anything but dear.
It can be so easy to let it all pass-us-by while we fret about—you name it.
Let our preoccupation be instead about seeing one another—and ourselves—in the light-of-day, for all that we are.
I say a lot to my children about what they eat or don’t eat—probably more than I should.
It has to do with my own powerful reaction to what I consume.
It has to do with how much I love them and reminds me of the definition of the word sweater as given by the writer Ambrose Bierce, “a garment worn by a child when his mother is feeling chilly.”
Recently I was trying to justify my encouragement of more eating-of-dinner to Jonah and Adrian.
They were in a hurry to get back outside.
I tried to describe to them the relationship between food and mood. That was my initial thought, at least.
I fully recognize the experience of well-being is not that simple for a whole lot of people, myself included at times.
Did you know if you are ever really, really sad you can ask yourself a couple of questions to understand why you might be feeling that way?
They perked right up to what I was beginning to say—It’s mind-boggling to me how sometimes my voice can be to them like that of the Charles Shulz Wah Wah language for adults and other times they seem to devour my words like water absorbed by the thirsty roots of a plant.
This was one of those lucky moments when their attention led me to believe that what I was about to say might somehow soak into their subconscious and be retrieved later in life when they needed it.
I shared that if they were ever really sad they could ask themselves, When was the last time I ate? What did I eat? Was it sugary? Have I had any protein?
Before I could go on, Adrian—my seven-year-old—interrupted me.
Actually, first you should be sure you have had something to drink—drinking is more important than eating.
He was right. Hydration is critical, so we agreed questions about both eating and drinking would be helpful.
Jonah was waiting his turn to speak but I could see he wanted to jump into the conversation.
Together we all quickly went to the question of rest.
Eat. Drink. Sleep.
Have I slept? Have I been getting enough sleep for a few days?
It was clear to us all that sleeping was an important component in feeling good.
This is where I thought it got interesting.
My first impulse when I posed the question was to point out the connection between how we treat our bodies and how we feel in our emotional state.
Jonah took the inner-reflection to another level and led us into a deeper discussion than I had intended.
He proposed that we ask ourselves, have I been kind?
This sort of blew me away.
Wow. Yes. How we treat others affects our well-being. Have I helped anyone recently?
Next, I began thinking about how exercise contributes to the production of endorphins and well-being when Jonah said we should ask ourselves the question, have I been outside?
We all got excited about our collective need for access to fresh-air, sunshine and natural beauty in order to feel grounded.
Jonah said that he thought of being outside and exercise as the same and then he said, what about asking whether you have been learning anything new?
This was something I hadn’t thought of and agreed contributes to a sense of purpose.
They had taken my one question and run with it.
Suddenly I thought about a practice I had shared with Jonah and Adrian a long time ago that has been an integral part of our daily connection.
I wondered if they would remember as I began hinting, there is one more thing that you can check-in on if you are feeling really, really sad.
Jonah was sitting to my left at the head of the table.
He sat back in his chair—slightly away—thinking.
Adrian was across from me on his knees on his chair—elbows propped up on the table, hands at his chin.
His hazel eyes sparkled searching for the answer—wanting so-much to be first.
They were both on the verge of getting it when Adrian shouted out, hugs!
Yes, if you are feeling really, really sad you should make sure you have had a hug from someone you love!
As the boys ran back out to play—dropping their dinner-dishes loudly into the sink, silverware clanking—I thought about how hard it can be to reach out to others—even those we love—when we are struggling.
I thought about how above all of the things we discussed, this can be the most critical for remembering who we are—maybe especially, for boys and men.
I thought about what it means to have access to all of these things for both children and adults—clean food and water, a present and nurturing family, a safe place to sleep and play.
I hoped that our discussion might somehow be planting seeds that would blossom into my two sons never feeling so alone that they think they have to go-it-alone.
There is a soft, white and blue floral rug on the floor in front of our kitchen sink.
At the baseboard level there is a brown heating vent that can be turned on to boost heat so that on frigid, winter mornings in Maine when I am standing at the sink, the heater will blow a powerful rush of warm air keeping my feet toasty.
When my cat Autumn was in her last days I would sit there on that gentle surface in front of the heater with her in my lap warming us both.
I have eaten food there—like I’m having a little picnic, my back against the vent.
I have called the boys there at times—when their play has made our living room feel more like a gymnasium or boxing ring than a home—so we can have a meeting of the minds on a padded surface.
This morning I asked Adrian for a hug before he left for camp and he came over to me where I was standing on the rug loading dishes into the dishwasher. He rarely hugs me in the typical way and instead wraps his entire body around one of my legs and begins sort-of hanging on me like I’m a tree branch.
This morning was no exception.
I came down onto my knees to be at his level and to be more-steady so he wouldn’t pull me over. We hugged—there on the rug—and he remembered our conversation from before.
The sun has burst forth and hid behind the low-draping clouds again and again since I arrived here in this breezy place.
A flurry of spiders has visited me at the covered picnic table including one who was bright-yellow with long legs and several who were thicker, black and compact—one finding its way to the brim of my hat.
It turned out to be a spidery place.
Before packing up my things, I left it all at the table and walked barefoot across the field—a wide open expanse of space, expanding-the-spaces-in-me.
The ground was lush with mushrooms and clover—the cool damp soil, soaking my feet.
I counted six more robins scattered across the field in two’s, their work made easier by the soft ground. Each time I got near to a pair they would take flight—showing off a burst of burnt-orange feathers tucked between grey.
The clouds were spread out across the pale-blue sky. I tipped my head back and upward taking in the space and the air—damp and fragrant with the sweet smell of summer.