It has been a wet and chilly entry into winter this season with snow pants only just doing the trick at school. I’m sitting alone in our living room—toasty warm—watching as rain drops make their way down the windows of the glass doors that look out onto our backyard. Some drops move oh-so-steady and slowly, others zig-and-zag, others are just as still as stone—like we humans.
I’m thinking about the drive home after school pick-up. It can be a precious time. Jonah likes to climb into the car on Adrian’s side and often begins stripping off his coat and snow pants. I try to keep Adrian in his gear as I strap him into his seat. Often he notices that Jonah is taking off his layers and wants his off, too. I often acquiesce and encourage them to move quickly so I can dole out their snack. All tucked in now, we are off. I am interested to hear about their day but try not to ask too many questions, although I want to. I know that holding space and allowing them to unfold into me is where I can serve them best. I look in the rearview mirror connecting with their eyes and smiles and share what I’ve been up to. Sometimes they are interested, sometimes not. Sometimes they are grumpy and I can see that they have been holding themselves together and are now letting it all come forth. I try not to take it personally on the days when this flooding occurs. I can relate. And, I’ve missed them. We come into town now and it is a charmed day when we see lights flashing ahead knowing that a train is coming through. It happens on this day that I am thinking of. These boys are still thrilled about a train coming through and I hold onto that. I know that this will not always be so. We notice how the train has a big wreathe on the front as it zips by and then we see one on the very last car as well. Jonah points out that this is a train that can go in either direction and then he says, “let’s chase it, Mama!” He knows that I know what he means. We’ve done this before. So as the gate goes up, I drive forward knowing that I have only a few minutes to “catch it” again. It is stopping just ahead and if we zip around the block we can make it in time to see it pass through another intersection. I’m driving forward now, taking in the pedestrians, careful to make sure I am present in my surroundings. We reach a stop sign where the house is that decorates so nicely for the holidays and then we turn left. Looking out my window, I can see through a field of trees that the train is still stopped at the station. I think we are going to make it. I keep driving and then we come to another stop sign and turn left again. Just as we are approaching the next intersection, I see that the lights are beginning to flash and a gate is coming down again. We made it! The train moves slowly past us now and begins picking up speed. We are close—the first in line—and can feel the vibration of the wheels as they go by. Jonah is contemplating the type of train and whether or not steam engines are used any longer. I look back and see that Adrian has his snack in one hand and his face is beaming. The gate raises up and I pull forward, making a quick right into a parking lot and going through it to make our way out on the other side. The boys wonder whether we might see the train one more time at the next intersection but I know that it would have already passed us by. I do see the tail end of it and so does Jonah, but Adrian misses it. I am grateful that this does not upset him.
I remember a few years ago when a friend suggested I start writing a blog. I only vaguely knew what a blog was! I had been thinking about writing a book and she thought a blog might be a good segue. Later, I went to a writer’s workshop and it was suggested there as well, as a way to create a “platform” for my book. I am so grateful that I began writing publicly and not because it’s been a segue for a book or created a platform. I am grateful for this space because of the connection it has given to me to so many mothers and fathers who are interested in my journey in mindful mothering and more importantly they are interested in their own journey in mindful mothering/parenting. I have received so many inspiring e-mails of encouragement and stories of transformation. If you sent me an e-mail and I didn’t respond, please know that I did read it and have been touched by each and every one of you who follow my page.
Although it may sound like it, this is not a notification that I am closing the site! It is, however, a notification that there is a gate coming down and a train passing through. As I have pursued this path of mindful awareness, many things have come alive in me. I feel called now to not separate the various aspects of my life in which I practice mindfulness. Although the site will not be called, “Mindful Mothering” any longer, all of the writing that I have done about Mindful Mothering specifically will remain on my new site and be available and more readily searchable. Readers will also be able to search for writing about mindfulness as it pertains to other aspects of life. I hope to be writing more regularly and will be further exploring the concept of Journeying as a part of life and the great wisdom available through Inner-listening. I will be featuring my art which has come alive in this past year with the help of mindful presence. I am in the process of professionally recording the Mother’s Meditations that have been so popular on this site so that you may be able to continue listening to them for free on the site (without the cut-offs!) and you will, also, now be able to download them or purchase a cd so that you may take them back into your life more easily. I will be filling in a daily log of what is on my mind and things that I am working on—some will be external explorations, others will be internal explorations.
So, there is a gate coming down and a train coming through and it is exciting. It is exciting and to me it is also a bit scary. I both love change and feel very vulnerable in the process of stepping out in this new way, especially when this site has been working so well. I will miss those three birds at the top of my page and the simplicity of it all. I know you will too. Stay with me, though. There is a journey to be had and I hope you will join me. The transition will occur—and the site will be down—between January 5th – January 19th. Between now and then, I wish you peace and presence as we embark on a New Year, together.